As discussed in my last blog on the Drama Triangle, my clients often find themselves stuck in a dynamic of rescuing. We know that rescuing behaviour reinforces the powerlessness of the other person, which is not an effective way to lead. But even if you can resist rescuing, as a leader, how can you be confident that you provide the right support and challenge? The Empowerment Triangle[1] (TED) (endorsed by Stephen Karpman, creator of the Drama Triangle) can be a helpful lens to observe your behaviour.
The Empowerment Triangle
The three roles:
1. Creator. This is the central role of TED. In this space, we have the capacity, mindset, and drive to create the desired change. Our primary focus is the solution, and we use curiosity and creativity to explore possible ways forward. “I can do this” and “This will be challenging, but I can do this”.
2. Coach. The coach's role is to support and champion the creator, supporting them when they face difficulties and barriers. Importantly, however, the coach does not do the work for the creator. They facilitate and encourage them to do the work themselves. “I believe in you.” “You can do this."
3. Challenger. The intent in this role is to provoke action. This role can be in the form of tough love, more gentle support, or both. “What did you do the last time we looked at this together?” “If I wasn’t here, what would you do?” “I hear the problem. What solution do you propose?”
Empowering those around you means encouraging them to occupy the creator role. This complements a coaching style of leadership that challenges your team to create their own solutions and not depend on you for every direction or decision. This leadership style has many benefits, from team engagement and performance to developing the leaders of tomorrow. Unless the issue in hand is a black-and-white knowledge issue, such as knowing a point of law or a process sequence, it is often better to encourage your team to create their own solution rather than telling them how you would do it. If you tell them how to do it, the responsibility remains with you, which has the unintended effect of disempowering them.
As a leader, when empowering others through this approach, you are likely to occupy both coach and challenger roles at different times and situations. The TED can be a helpful frame to calibrate the level of challenge required. Does the person need encouragement and support to develop their confidence in learning something new? (Coach?) Or have you shown them how to do this several times, but they are reluctant to do it independently and need stronger encouragement? (Challenger?).
When we are in a position of authority and mean well, it can be all too easy to slip back into rescuing behaviour. Let's say a team member approaches you with a technical problem that you know how to fix. It takes discipline to avoid slipping into a rescuer role to take control of the situation and step in and fix it. By rescuing, you’d get a payoff for being helpful and working in your comfort zone. A supportive alternative is to respond from the coach position to support the person to work out the solution for themselves. This means they will know what to do next time and is more likely to build their confidence with this task. Should they come back to you with the same issue again, after checking the reason for them not wanting to do it, it may be appropriate for you to step into the challenger role and encourage them to do it for themselves.
The three roles of The Empowerment Triangle can help to give you the confidence to shift your approach to leadership to appropriately support and challenge to build capability and resilience in your team. Encourage those you lead into the creator role and provide coaching where they need to build confidence and challenge where they need to step up and do it for themselves. How has this landed with you? How could you use this lens to reflect on your leadership behaviour?
[1] The Power of TED (The Empowerment Dynamic). David Emerald.